Last night was the first time I'd slept in three days.
And I dreamt, beautifully, as if nothing had ever happened.
As if our lives were still connected everytime we touched,
our voices wrapping around the other like a binding spell,
keeping our hearts healthy and smiling.
It was like a time machine,
bringing me back to a place I haven't yet forgotten,
but let slip from my mind -a place where I was perfect,
merely because I belonged to you.
I found comfort in your thoughts;
and although I sometimes disagreed,
on the inside my mind had completely wrapped itself around the words you said.
I believed you.
I believed in you.
Every inch of you,
every aspect,
every dream.
And even though I was satisfied,
I could never get enough of you.
I wanted all of you,
every second,
of every day.
I wanted to feel every breath you took,
and hear every softly pounding heartbeat.
You saw so many flaws in yourself, but all I could see was perfection.

As I slept, this was the case.
Every butterfly,
every blinding smile,
every simple laugh,
was present in this dream.

We were the spring again.
We were the summer again.
We were every shining sun,
crashing wave,
and warm breeze.
The brilliance we gave off could sometimes be overpowering,
but still in good taste.
And though a storm rolled through some harsh afternoons,
we would always face the clearing sky with a new hope,
a new found knowledge.
Our hearts taught each other what it was like to be on top of the world.
For the longest time, that's where they stood, strong and unwavering,
with the mindset that they were never coming down.

And then autumn came.

With the falling leaves, came falling hope.
The cold winds lashed out repeatedly,
bending and breaking us.
I may not have been strong enough,
but neither were you.
I take comfort in knowing that.
Ice wrapped over our memories, our lives, our hearts.
It was unbreakable, though I tried many times to tear it apart.
I wanted so desperately to bring us back.
I didn't care about your negative thoughts
-I wasn't aware of their truth at the time anyway-
I only cared about trying to change your perspective.
Trying to change you.
Trying to change us.
Or maybe not change, just remind
-remind you and me of the time we shared,
and the seasons we faced,
and the months we raced through.

We'll never make it to winter.

"They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I don’t know what them eyes was the windows to and I guess I’d as soon not know. But there is another view of the world out there and other eyes to see it and that’s where this is going. It has done brought me to a place in my life I would not of thought I’d of come to. Somewhere out there is a true and living prophet of destruction and I don’t want to confront him. I know he’s real. I have seen his work. I walked in front of those eyes once.
I won’t do it again."
- No Country For Old Men

Such a great movie, but an even better book.

"Everybody makes mistakes; not just most people- everybody. And the ones that can't forgive others' mistakes, the ones that won't let you forget those mistakes, are making an even bigger one. And those kind of people- those are the ones you don't need in your life. But the ones that will forgive your mistakes and move on from them are the ones you better thank god for. Because they are the people that are gonna be there when no one else is."

I love my mom. She gives me the best advice and always knows how to make me see things clearer. I don't know what I'd do without her.

this weekend was so depressing.
i went to my grandpa's funeral
i don't really want to go into details, but it was the hardest thing i've ever had to go through.

so i guess i've definitely lost my best friend this time.
she said that i act different around people or something and that everyone thinks i'm annoying,
which shouldn't really bother me because it's stupid- but it does.
it bothers me a lot, not that it matters.
i thought i was done crying over things like this, but i guess i was wrong.

i'm sick of people not telling me things.
if you don't like me, then don't act like you do.
that only makes things worse.