these past four days have been emotionally draining.

i went to virginia with my dad and stepmom on friday. we drove to springfield to see my grandfather, who is currently staying in the hospital wing of his military retirement home.
after our roughly eight hour drive, we went out to dinner with my uncle mark. he kind of gave us a heads up on grandpa's condition, but i don't really think anything could have prepared me for seeing him.
the last time i had seen him, was two christmases ago. we (my dad, my older brother and sister, and i) usually go up there every few christmases and we hadn't been up there in about three years, so it was due time. nothing about grandpa was any different then; he was still the strict military man i had always known.
but when i saw him on saturday, everything about him was different.
he had lost thirty-four pounds in a matter of six weeks; his eyes were sunken in, all the bones on his face protruding. he had stubble and his har had grown past his ears, which, considering his clean-cut military persona, was something i had never seen on him. and when i walked in the room after my dad, greeted with the usual "hey, grandpa" and shook his hand, he had no clue who i was. of course, he acted like he did by saying "it's been a long time..." but it was obvious he didn't when he said the same thing to my dad, but added "it's been a long time, john."
i didn't cry, and i didn't show how upset i was.
i hardly know my grandfather. sure, i've seen him a lot in the course of my life, but he's not a personable person. i know a lot about his life, but he knows nothing about me. absolutely nothing.
and before i continue, you should know that it's not that he forgot he had a grandfather- he just didn't realize who i was. at least, that's what i hope. when my dad updated him on caroline (sister), patrick (brother), me, he understood who he was talking about.
nonetheless, when we got back to the hotel, i went down to the room where the free breakfast is held and sobbed on the phone to my mom.
other things happened in virginia, but i don't really feel like crying right now, so maybe i'll type it out later.
my grandpa will probably die in about a year.


to top it all off, my dog died this morning.
i had sophie, my golden retriever, for eleven years.
we don't know how she died exactly, but she had been sick lately.

that sounded less lame in my mind.