middle school versions of spencer and ryan.

kind of bizarre, yeah?

aw, ryan and spencer :(

it's really sad that they aren't friends anymore;

they had been best friends since they were five (spencer) and six (ryan).

You know that feeling you get when you realize you have absolutely nothing to worry or stress about? That feeling you get when almost every single thing is going perfectly?
It's a weird feeling.
But maybe that's just me.

"Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine
And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines
But I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside"

*sigh* i love/miss them.

hahahah, this if for jessie :)

(it kind of looks photoshopped, though)

This is my mom. She is the smallest, cutest, most adorable little lady I have ever met (besides my nana, of course) and I love her so much. If you ever see the way I am around her, you would know this right away. My nana likes to tell me stories about my mom when she was my age and how I'm just like her. We're both loud, crazy, ridiculous, Polhill girls- as Nana likes to phrase it. We both sing obnoxiously because we know we wouldn't be able to sing in-tune even if we tried. We always have to take pictures when we go out to eat and she takes me to the Barnes and Noble in Hickory to see Ethan even though she hates the way he makes her coffee. We make fun of each other and laugh until we have tears streaming down our cheeks at things that nobody would ever understand. We get into in-depth conversations about what we would do if she won the lottery and who I'm going to marry when I'm older. I can't count how many times she's tried to teach me how to waltz in the kitchen at my nana's and we've ended up stepping on each other's feet, falling to the ground from laughing so hard. She understands things my dad would never, like getting upset over my hair and she's always a phone call away if I ever need to complain about it. She always listens to what I say and cries when I cry even if she has no idea what I'm upset about. She gives the best advice I've ever heard and always helps me see things more clearly when the world doesn't seem to make sense. She's one of the only people I can be my complete and total self around and she tries to make "that's what she said" jokes even though she doesn't get the concept at all. She's the only person who's absolutely always there for me and I think I might take that for granted sometimes. I love her so much and I have no idea what I would do without her in my life. And even though I don't see her that often, that will never change.

good morning, sisky and bilvy- i love you :)

this made my day :)

I'm going to marry Dave Melillo. He's just not aware of that little fact yet :)

haha, i just realized that me and jessie used the same picture of spencer.
sorry! it's the only picture of him i have saved on here at the moment.

Happy Birthday Spencer (James) Smith (the fifth)!

I love you and your gorgeous blue eyes :)

oh, my god. when did he start getting attractive?

i've always thought he was adorable,

but damn- kevin jonas is hot.

Say a prayer
The summer nights are dead
The fall is coming
We were careless hearts
Who got caught up in this

You were shy

To the night you drove me wild
And you crashed into me
And I won't lie
I wish it lasted a lifetime
Please stay-ay-ay
Won't you stay tonight?
Breathe in deep
And say goodbye
The saddest song
I'll ever write
For anyone, anytime
Breathe in deep
Before I say
I can feel us slip away
You're almost gone
You're good as gone
August is over

hahah! i love them (:

Happy Birthday (George) Ryan Ross (the third)!

I'm going to just start off by saying that no matter what, I will always love this man. It's ridiculous to think about how much a guy that I've never met means to me. Even after all of the things that have happened, or are happening, nothing's changed in my mind. To me, he'll always be the same Ryan in that picture up there who writes songs, wears vests, and has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. It's so much more than me just thinking he's attractive and I wish people would realize that. It's not the kind of thing where I'm completely obsessed with him and I'm convinced I'm going to marry him someday or something. No, it's not that at all; I'm not stupid. It's more of a he-changed-my-life kind of thing. And yeah, I was dissappointed about things concerning him around the Panic! split, but so what? I've been dissappointed with people before and that didn't really change anything. I know I'm never going to meet him, though, and I'm perfectly alright with that. I have his music, and that's all I really need right now.

just fifteen more minutes and everything will be perfect :)

My first full week of junior year is officially over.
And everything is well.
Do you know how amazing it feels to be able to say that?
Seriously, it feels like everything is just falling into place.
My schedule got fixed, I have classes with most of my friends- I finally have a class with Jessie! (three, to be exact) and Chelsea is back. (which is something I never thought would happen)
I got my hair cut yesterday for the first time in a year and I love it!
I only had an inch of dead-ends, which my hairdresser said was a miracle because typically when people have hair as long as mine and they straighten and blow dry it as much as I do, they would have SIX INCHES of dead-ends. I'm so freaking happy that I didn't have to get that much cut off. I also got side-bangs :)
I went to the mall today with Padre and he bought me clothes for school and a book.
And I get to see a certain boy tonight :D
I'm so happy!
(and to be completely honest, I never really imagined me saying that)

P.S- I was thinking about random stuff today and listening to Panic! at the Disco's old cd and remembered the first time I ever saw a picture of Ryan Ross, I thought he was hispanic. It was a black and white picture of his face close-up and he had all sorts of make-up on. I actually have the picture on my wall. But isn't that funny? He's probably one of the people I would least-likely consider being close to hispanic, haha.

:(

i love all of them.
(it's just never going to be the same.)

"Things just break sometimes. Maybe we should blame that third person we became, that personality we shared together. Maybe it's their fault because you're a good person and I think I'm a good person too. We just weren't made for this. "

-pleasefindthis.blogspot.com

oh, my lord.

ryan and jon need to step their game up.

"I want to get something out there, just to clear up some misconceptions about what people think about Christians and gay marriage. Well, I’m speaking as a Lutheran, which is a Christian denomination.
Do you know exactly where in the Bible Christ mentioned homosexuality? Nowhere. True Christians, who follow the word of Christ, are aware of this. Jesus never once denounced homosexuality or even mentioned it. Nowhere in the entire New Testament.
Homosexuality is not a sin. If you go along with word-for-word what the Old Testament says, where it is briefly mentioned, then you are not allowed to eat shellfish because they are an abomination, it’s alright to sell your children to repay a debt, and you can take as many wives and concubines as you want.
The Old Testament is a history of a wrathful, hot tempered God who damned you for eating meat on a Friday. The New Testament is God mellowing down and sending part of himself down to earth to truly experience mankind from a human point of view, and seeing that even the worst of us can truly be sorry for what we’ve done. So he forgives us. So back to homosexuality. It’s not a sin. The only time it was considered “sinful” was in the times of Sodom, where it was listed as one of many pastimes the residents indulged in. It by itself is not a sin. What I believe is that when God talks about homosexuality and Sodom, he mentions it because people are indulging in it (along with many other things) with no self-control. That’s what I believe the true sin was- indulging in your temptations without any disregard for your own morals and sense of right and wrong.
A lot of Christian denominations take the homosexuality thing and twist it because they fear it.
It’s different from what they feel, so they claim it’s evil. Just like a lot of things- black people, retardation, mental disease (I’m not equating those things, so don’t get excited); these are all things that people in certain areas of the world were not used to normally, so they decided it was evil and tried to tuck it away or overpower it.
And that’s a sin."

i completely agree with everything this person said.
and when people openly disagree with me in an unpolite manner,
i get into arguements over this subject.

i'm going to punch my career management teacher in the face.
and if i don't, jessie will.

just saying.

I just woke up around fifteen minutes ago
and this was the first thing i saw when i got on the computer :)
what a wonderful way to start my day.

this makes my chest tighten a little.

i miss this a lot.

(goodnight)

ryan ross just posted this on twitter, hahah.
so many jonas brothers pictures.

1. jon walker isn’t the second coming of jesus, okay? he’s a dude in flip flops who agreed to be their bassist. he always seemed kind of sketchy to me, like he wasn’t taking anything seriously, and he was just waiting until he could leave or be in control or something
2. the breakup, split, whatever wasn’t actually that upsetting. it’s not like they were in the middle of a cabin adventure and then suddenly broke up. the implication is that there was little to no contact for weeks, months there.
3. the saddest part about it for me though was the ryan/spencer thing. the idea that their friendship is kind of falling apart about kills me
4. missing a lyricist isn’t going to hurt panic 2.0. trust me, no one would bother to care about candle swans if it weren’t for ryan ross. what the fuck is a sprouting son anyway?
5. ryan ross does coke. brendon urie? probably does coke too, or at least has. jon and spencer, too. twenty-somethings with too much free time and too much money do these things.

this also made me laugh really hard.
oh, god.

Spencer: Let me tell you something about Ryan. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first girlfriend Haley who was totally gorgeous but then she moved to Indiana, and Ryan was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Haley, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-boys pool party, I was like, “Ryan, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a homo.” I mean I couldn’t have a homo at my party. There were gonna be boys there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? He was a HOMO. So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of school because no one would talk to him, and he came back in the fall for high school, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird, and now I guess he’s on crack.

oh, my god.
i just laughed really hard over this.
there are five other mean girls quotes that someone switched to be panic members (and one has pete wentz) and they're all hilarious.

I really miss my mom.
I haven't seen her since the beginning of June and I'm not going to be able to see her until probably Labor Day. It's not fair that I can't go anytime I want just because my dad doesn't feel like driving me there. She's my mom and I should be able to see her anytime I want.
I guess I've just been worrying a lot about her lately.

i genuinely laughed about this for quite a while.
but mostly because that's pretty much exactly how i judge how many letters to write.
wow, i'm so lame.

i miss him.

hahah. what have we here, spencer?

i didn't want to leave kevin out :)

i love him.

beautiful.

joe looks kind of uncomfortable, hahah.

but guess what! they are in charlotte right now.

three hours away.

and I'm not there.

fuck my life.

This is so ridiculous, but I laughed really hard anyway.

Spencer just keeps getting more attractive.

So, school started back yesterday.
And yesterday just so happened to be one of the most stressfull days I've ever had to endure.
I stayed at Jessie's house the night before so we could go to school together and we kept talking about how we were worried we wouldn't have lunch together and stuff like that, but honestly, I didn't even think that something major would go wrong at school. I was actually pretty excited about it.
That is, of course, until I got my schedule.
I not only didn't have lunch with Jessie, but I didn't have two of the classes I had been told I would have.

This was my originial schedule:
First Period- Chemistry
Second Period- Honors English III
Third Period- Spanish IV
Fourth Period- French III
Fifth Period- Pre-Calc
Sixth Period- U.S. History
Seventh Period- Career Management

There are three very large, obvious (to me anyway) problems with that. One being Spanish IV, two being Career Management, and three being the fact that Publications was not one of my classes. I had no idea what Career Management even was and had never even heard of it. And I dropped Spanish for a reason- I hated it. I took Accelerated Spanish II last year and realized how much I didn't want to learn it at all. Lastly, I had sold ads for the yearbook to be in Publications. I spent almost three weeks of my summer for that class and I was on the list that was posted for the Publications staff. Also, that was going to be my art credit. At my school, you need at least one art credit to graduate and if I didn't take Publications, how was I going to graduate? There was no way I could take Art as a senior.
Needless to say, I freaked out.
Not so much about Career Management, but because of Spanish. I hadn't even taken Spanish III before, how did they expect me to take Spanish IV? It didn't help that it's taught by Dr.Fox, either. He's one of the best foreign language teachers, but he also doesn't speak in english for the majority of the class period and expects us to understand everything. And to top it all off- I hadn't learned anything in Spanish II. My teacher would just give us information and then give us a test. I basically just memorized vocabulary and irregular verbs, but since she never made us practice anything, or do homework, or even review before the final exam, I really don't know anything besides basic Spanish I stuff. So for me, it's like skipping two levels instead of one.

In the midst of my freaking out, I discovered that not only my schedule was screwed up, but so were a lot of other people's. And it turns out, that almost half of the people on the Publications list didn't have it on their schedule. I was pissed. The counseling office had screwed up everyone's schedules again. Just like every year. One of my friends didn't even have a third period on her schedule! A lot of people were going to the counseling center to see if they could have their schedules changed, so I went too. They made me fill out a form and write down what courses I wanted to drop and which ones I wanted in place and blahblahblah. It honestly had no promise, but there were so many people in that office that I just turned in my form without talking to anyone.

The rest of my day was really stressful. I had no idea if my schedule would get fixed and I just kept thinking how I was going to fail Spanish if I didn't get switched out. I was just worring about everything. I told my dad about it when he picked me up from school and I was telling him how pissed I was and whatnot, you know- just venting. And he got mad at me for being angry. Isn't that the most retarded thing you've ever heard? He was all "Stop being so mad about this, it's not the end of the world. Blahblahblah, I'm stupid and I'm just going to get pissed at you" You can't just stop being angry over something and apparently he doesn't understand that. Of course, that only made me more angry. So as soon as we got to the house, I went into my room and called my mom and told her everything up to Daddy getting mad at me. She, thank god, understood exactly how I felt and said that it was perfectly okay to be upset about it. She calmed me down and reassured me that if my schedule didn't get changed, she would call the school and raise all sorts of hell over it. I really love her.

When I got to school today and went into homeroom, they hadn't done anything about my schedule yet. But, I wasn't really mad because I know there were a lot of people in line in front of me. I checked back before lunch started and they had miraculously fixed my schedule.

This is my new/current/hopefully permanent schedule:
First Period- Chemistry
Second Period- Honors English III
Third Period- Pre-Calc
Fourth Period- French III
Fifth Period- Publications
Sixth Period- U.S. History
Seventh Period- Career Management

So, I only got one class changed, but that's the only one I really wanted changed anyway. And my Pre-Calc got changed to an earlier period, but I could really care less. I don't really want to take Career Management, but it's an easy A and I have it with Jessie. Considering that it could have been way worse, I am happy. And I even have lunch with Jessie and a bunch of my friends now :)

Now I'm kind of excited for school on Monday. I'll be able to start my new schedule and catch up with my friends and just get back into the swing of things.
It's oddly comforting.

"If you've got the time, we can play a game. It’s easy.
We just see if I’m the same shape as the space you have inside you. If everything fits, we both win. If it doesn’t, don’t force it. That's how you get splinters in your heart."
.................- pleasefindthis.blogspot.com

(reading those make my days better)

--

Oh, and one last thing-

--

This made my day better :)

Do you see that attractive, smiling man up there in the red sweater?
He is an asshole.
Such an asshole, that everyone who's ever been in Cute Is What We Aim For (not including himself, obviously) has quit the band.
Such an asshole, that instead of waiting to announce the band's split-up with his other members like they had previously agreed upon, he just straight-up announced it on twitter without talking to anyone about it.
Such an asshole, that he cut off all of his gorgeous hair! (but that's kind of besides the point I'm trying to make here)
I'm just really let down by all of the things that I've read about him recently and I know, I shouldn't believe everything I hear but these are things coming straight from Dave Melillo. (first one on the left in the picture)
But I'm mostly dissappointed by the fact that he was so fucking nice to me when I met him in February and now he's just gone back to being the biggest douche bag ever.
And it's just really sad that his actions and demeanors have driven some of his closest friend away, yet he doesn't seem to care at all.


/rant.


*sigh*
Anyway, I'm really excited for what ever Jeff and Dave plan on doing next.
I know that Dave is going to release a solo cd of some sort and the songs he put on purevolume are really good so far :)
(he also replied to me on twitter today *swoons*)

What ever happened to Tom Falcone?

*sigh* how can i not love him?

I slept through my alarm this morning because my phone was on vibrate,

but I had a dream about that gorgeous man up there (Michael Phelps, obviously) that made up for it.

--

So, in my dream me and a bunch of my friends are in a hotel suite. I don't really remember all who was there, but I distinctly remember Allison, Jessie, and some famous people.

In this suite, the living room was connected to the kitchen by a bar-type thing with stools and everyone was chilling on the couches and chairs and I was getting something to drink, so I was in the kitchen. I guess we were playing some king of trivia game, because Allison turned to me and said:

"Okay, Kaity, your turn. Name a celebrity that has a speech impediment"

Yeah, I know, that's such an odd question, but I answer anyway.

"Michael Phelps, he stutters sometimes." and I look over at Michael, who is sitting beside some other guy and he's smirking at me. It's like a hardcore stare down for about ten seconds and then he just gets up and starts walking to me. We're, of course, still separated by the bar so when he reaches it, he leans forward towards me.

And I kind of freak out (which makes this slightly more believable) and say:

"I only know this from wikipedia, duh." and scoff and I'm pretty sure my face is getting red.

He laughs (or chuckles, would be the right verb) and goes:
"Is it weird that I find it hot that you know stuff about me?" with a gorgeous smirk.

And I don't really know what we talk about after that, but we just flirt and I'm laughing at stuff he says and then everyone decides to go out.

So, as we're leaving, I stop Allison and say:

"You did that on purpose" in sort of a low, kind of embarrassed voice.

and she laughs, then I continue:

"But, I'm so glad you did."

And Michael walks by me, grabs my hand and leads me out the door.

Then I wake up.

--

I was so in love with Michael Phelps last summer. I watched all of the interviews he did and every race that he so gracefully won.

I fall in love with him all over again every time he's in the Olympics,

but after that dream I love him even more :)

--

--

--

/lame.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love adorable boys?

I came home from church today and I was in such a bad mood.
It was the first time I had been since Easter, I think, and I'm glad I went, but I had only gotten four hours of sleep last night and then padre didn't want to take me to Waffle House to eat.
Instead, he dragged me to Ingles for unnecessary grocery shopping where he proceeded to let me get a magazine,
but still I was pissy and hungry.
So, I get out of the car with the full intention to go straight to my room when I see the most beautiful bouquet of yellow roses sitting on the welcome mat in front of the door.
Naturally, there's a note attatched and naturally, I read it.

Kaity,

I know you would have loved reese's cups,
but I was afraid they would have melted in the heat.
Can you at least give me credit for remembering your love of flowers?
I would have much rather sent myself; two and a half weeks is too long.

p.s.- I promise to get you reese's next time.

---

And just like that, everything was perfect again.
I didn't care that I was exhausted or hungry or a little pissed off at my dad,
I was happy.
And you know, I had never even told him that I liked yellow roses.
Everything is falling into place and god, it feels amazing.

I called him shortly after getting into the house to thank him and this was his response:
"I know they're not me, but at least they smell good."
He always knows how to make me laugh.
I have a feeling this is finally going to work out.

By the way,
I'm still whole-heartedly convinced that Nick Jonas (I thought it was Joe singing for the longest time, but apparently it wasn't) drops the f-bomb instead of saying 'fight' at the 3:20 mark in "Much Better"
I just listened to it again, went back to that part and everything, you can't convince me otherwise :)

If it's you and me forever
If it's you and me right now
I'd be alright

That's it; That is it.
I'm done.
I'm finally putting a stop to this.
I've finally realized that this isn't healthy;
It's only making things worse.
God, you know exactly what to say to make me fall for you over and over again and it's not fair for me to have to go through that when you aren't even here.
No one should be allowed to insert such false hope into someone's mind.
I don't know why or how, but I've finally allowed myself to see through all of your fucking bullshit and you know, it feels amazing.
I'm changing my email address and I'm not going to answer anymore of your calls.
But, nonetheless, it's over.

So, whenever you decide you want to come back into my life,
know that you're not welcome.
And I mean it this time.

Brendon and Jon :(

I was watching Fuse today and the Panic! at the Disco episode of Loaded came on.
I got that nostalgic feel in my chest, but I still watched it.
I think "But It's Better If You Do" is my favorite music video ever.
Maybe.

I'm talking to Dave Melillo on twitter.
No big deal or anything.
(except that I love him and I'm currently freaking out.)

:D

admit it- you laughed.
i had an uncontrollable fit of laughter when i saw this.
that was mostly because i just clicked on something and
BAM! there it was.
hahah, i love nick jonas :)

i have no idea why, but i love this picture.
kevin jonas makes my heart swell :)

Today was kind of frustrating.
My dad took me out to sell ads again up on main street. I went to the five stores I hadn't been to yet- all unsuccessful and back to a store that said they'd call me just to make sure they hadn't forgotten. Turns out, they had forgotten, but the girl I talked to was really nice and said she'd call back before Friday. I have a few more places that said to check back and that's all. I'm hoping for the best, but I'm just not sure how things are going to turn out.
I had a really long phone call (it was split up in two, actually, but that's besides the point) with my mom when I got home. What is it about moms that makes them able to make anything better? Really, it baffles me. I vented to her for maybe fifteen minutes and I felt so much better. She also gives the best advice. I'm really upset that I'm not going to be able to go to Lincolnton before school starts.
After the phone call(s) with madre, I was bored (and stupid, apparently) and decided that "hey! maybe it would be a good idea to finally organize my photobucket!" Seriously, worst idea ever. I had no idea how many pictures were on there. After an hour, I started finding pictures from the two Cute Is What We Aim For concerts I went to last school year and in the two pictures I have with Jeff, he looks exactly the same- completely apathetic. Which is fitting because that's how he seems when you talk to him, too. Obviously, I tweeted about it because I'm just that lame.

bombedreverie: in the midst of trying to organize my photobucket, i found both pictures of the times i've met @jeffislive and he looks really apathetic :(

Then, I just went back to organizing my photobucket. About an hour later, I checked my twitter again and he had replied to me!

jeffislive: @bombedreverie i still have yet to find my "beautiful photo smile face" :( maybe next time???

I know this is really lame, but it made my day better. But mostly because at the concerts I've been to, he never really seems to want to talk to any of the fans or take pictures, so I was really surprised that he replied to it, much less even read it to begin with.

So, awesome- now I've made myself out to look completely lame!
And I'm still not finished with my photobucket. Being the perfectionist I am, I just can't seem to accept the fact that it will never be completely organized.
I'm just going to go watch the Real World and forget that I have things to be stressing out about;
They can wait until Friday.

still, can't help but miss this.
(okay, i'm done with panic posts for today.)

oh, brendon.
(lovelovelove)

how ironic.

i love death cab :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I love them?

beautiful, beautiful boys.

i just got the sweetest phone call ever
from a boy who currently resides in atlanta.
for awhile there, i was starting to regret him.
the past thirty minutes cleared that up, though.
he always knows how to make me feel better.
i'm excited to see him :)

but i can't wait three weeks!
i miss him :(
(he owes me some reese's cups, pronto.)

"would you be friends with me if my name was xander?"
(i always think of that when i see a picture of alex, haha)

these are my grandparents.
hawaii, 1958

i love hugh dancy.
and nick jonas, of course :)

Do you have any idea how unbelievably happy this makes me?
Really, do you? Because I don't even think I know why it does.

bradleycooperbradleycooperbradleycooper

I got back from Virginia yesterday.
It was a good trip, considering the reason I was there.
I got to spend time with my sister and her boyfriend,
who I've known for almost eight years now.

Anyway, I can't believe it's already August.
I start back school in eighteen days, ugh.
It's weird that this summer went by so fast,
because I've been gone so much that I don't even remember summer really starting.
I suppose I'm glad that I'll be getting to see my friends soon.
I haven't really had any time at all to hang out this summer.
And from the looks of it, I won't really have any time to hang out in the remaining three weeks, either.
I also still have to read two books for english and finish selling ads for the yearbook.
It's all stressing me out.

That's really all for now.
I don't think I'm going to end up posting about Philadelphia, either.
Just know that it was probably the best week of my summer.