"but i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain.
it's two a.m. and i'm cursing your name
you're so in love that you act insane
and that's the way i loved you
breaking down and coming undone
it's a rollercoaster kind of rush
never knew i could feel that much
and that's the way i loved you"

insanity wolves make my life better.

(but socially awkward penguins are still funnier)

"This is payback for all of the words
That never meant enough to keep me concerned
Every homesick letter that never had the strength
To find your door
This is just enough to keep me concerned
With every hope I had that you would return
And now I've learned that you've become everything
I once hated and still depend on
And if all I can do
Is just sit and wait for you
Then I guess I'll just be waiting till the end"

not so much anymore.

i love this man so much.

Today was such a good day.
To start it off, my dad decided to not wake me up for church. Which means I didn't have to wake up at eight. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind going to church, I just wasn't in the mood at all to wake up early. So, I got up around eleven or so and for once, my back didn't hurt! Let's just say I have the worst mattress ever.
I chilled around the house for two peaceful hours. Jeannine had gone to the Greenville airport to pick up Simone and Bella (who will be living here for the next couple of months, ugh), so it was just daddy and me home. It was the first time I could drink my coffee without her bitching at me for supposedly drinking her cup. I never do that, but whatever.
I got ready and then Abby picked me up and we chilled at my house for a few minutes while I finished my makeup and Abby freaked out over my Michael Phelps posters, hahaha. Then we headed to Camp New Life for Brandon's surprise party.
We surprisingly didn't get lost. Yay us! We were so proud. And we actually got there early, so we helped decorate with Patric, Amanda, and Hannah. Then everyone started getting there and we sociallized until we saw Brandon coming up the driveway. He thought he was going to a birthday party for his mom's best friend's daughter. We hid in the kitchen place and jumped out when he walked in and his face was the best thing ever. He even started crying, it was so great.
The whole party was really fun. I don't know exactly what I expected, but that wasn't it. I mostly hung out with Hannah, Abby, Ann, Bridgette, Patric, and Brandon. But there were other people I talked to, also like Amanda, Brittany Singleton, and Morgan. We played two intense games of twister and just mostly laughed and talked and whatnot. It was so fun. After about two hours, there were only a few of us left and when we finished our last game of twister (which lasted seriously almost twenty minutes) Abby and I decided to leave. And we took Ann with us!
It was only four and none of us had anything we were supposed to be doing, so we drove around aimlessly and then went to Food Lion to see if Josh was working. (*swoons*) He wasn't. But we walked around Food Lion for fifteen or so minutes and made fun of a bunch of stuff. I had never really hung out with Abby or Ann outside of school, but I love them. They are so much fun. Ann is one of the most hilarious people I know. I ended up just buying a pack of gum and the two checkout guys hit on us hardcore. They were so gross, haha. But then my dad called and I had to go home.
Seriously though, I had such a good time today.
I would post pictures, but there on Brandon's mom's camera.
There are some hilarious ones of me and Patric tangled up in each other during twister.

there was an inappropriate picture of kevin jonas here.
i decided i didn't really want people seeing that on my blog, haha.
(even though i find inappropriate things utterly hilarious)

drawn to the ones who never yawn.

"Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression,
Will you welcome this confession?"

why do i still love him? it seems impossible not to love him.
i literally feel torn in two.

Happy Birthday Jonathon Jacob Walker!

(insert picture here, sorry there's not one saved on this computer)

Happy Seventeenth Birthday Nick Jonas!

You are beautiful.

Today has been one of those off days.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. It was more of 'blah'.
It started randomly downpouring during third period and has been raining ever since and I thought it was Thursday until sixth period.

I'm glad we talked things over. I'm just sorry that we couldn't get it to work.
Then again, I don't know why exactly I thought it would work in the first place when you live almost four hours away.
We'll still talk, right? And you'll still call?
You're one of the only people I can seem to talk to right now.

"and away we go
and I hope that you know that one day
we will all be alone
holding on to broken hearts
memories are what's left of us
you're trying too hard to be my friend
and I'm placing all our pictures in these broken frames
to remind me to never fall in love again
I'm sorry wont cut it for the rest of your life
get over yourself and say goodbye
I hope you realize you threw away
the best thing that ever happened to you
forget my name and forget my face
hope you get on a plane and forget this place
so I never have to deal with you again"

this will forever remind me of you.
and that kills me.

who else is pissed about kanye west stealing taylor swift's thunder last night?!

i felt so bad for her!

asshole makes her cry and then she has to go perform five minutes later, ugh.

enjoy the following :)

"I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!"

okay, kanye, what the fuck does half of that even mean?
worst apology ever. for real.

(errrythaang but the beginning and the blurb right above this was stolen from jessie's tumblr!)

poor taylor swift :(

baby joe and kevin :)
hahah! joe's face!

joe's face, again.

this is for jessie, haha!

underoath?!

"he's saying 'come sit on my dick'" -jessie

hahaha, i love nick jonas :)

toddler ryan ross!

how freaking adorable is that?!

oh, my god- i love him :)

hahahahah!

if you only knew how funny either of these are.
(jessie's dad's wife's name is dora!)

nick santino's reaction a text message


nick,
you, me- tonight at my place ;)
(be sure to touch up your roots first)
love,
....jessie's dad

jessie!
this is the picture i was talking about last week.
hahahah, it gets me everytime :)

not anymore :'(

middle school versions of spencer and ryan.

kind of bizarre, yeah?

aw, ryan and spencer :(

it's really sad that they aren't friends anymore;

they had been best friends since they were five (spencer) and six (ryan).

You know that feeling you get when you realize you have absolutely nothing to worry or stress about? That feeling you get when almost every single thing is going perfectly?
It's a weird feeling.
But maybe that's just me.

"Taking everything for granted but we still respect the time
We move along with some new passion knowing everything is fine
And I would wait and watch the hours fall in a hundred separate lines
But I regain repose and wonder how I ended up inside"

*sigh* i love/miss them.

hahahah, this if for jessie :)

(it kind of looks photoshopped, though)

This is my mom. She is the smallest, cutest, most adorable little lady I have ever met (besides my nana, of course) and I love her so much. If you ever see the way I am around her, you would know this right away. My nana likes to tell me stories about my mom when she was my age and how I'm just like her. We're both loud, crazy, ridiculous, Polhill girls- as Nana likes to phrase it. We both sing obnoxiously because we know we wouldn't be able to sing in-tune even if we tried. We always have to take pictures when we go out to eat and she takes me to the Barnes and Noble in Hickory to see Ethan even though she hates the way he makes her coffee. We make fun of each other and laugh until we have tears streaming down our cheeks at things that nobody would ever understand. We get into in-depth conversations about what we would do if she won the lottery and who I'm going to marry when I'm older. I can't count how many times she's tried to teach me how to waltz in the kitchen at my nana's and we've ended up stepping on each other's feet, falling to the ground from laughing so hard. She understands things my dad would never, like getting upset over my hair and she's always a phone call away if I ever need to complain about it. She always listens to what I say and cries when I cry even if she has no idea what I'm upset about. She gives the best advice I've ever heard and always helps me see things more clearly when the world doesn't seem to make sense. She's one of the only people I can be my complete and total self around and she tries to make "that's what she said" jokes even though she doesn't get the concept at all. She's the only person who's absolutely always there for me and I think I might take that for granted sometimes. I love her so much and I have no idea what I would do without her in my life. And even though I don't see her that often, that will never change.

good morning, sisky and bilvy- i love you :)

this made my day :)

I'm going to marry Dave Melillo. He's just not aware of that little fact yet :)

haha, i just realized that me and jessie used the same picture of spencer.
sorry! it's the only picture of him i have saved on here at the moment.

Happy Birthday Spencer (James) Smith (the fifth)!

I love you and your gorgeous blue eyes :)

oh, my god. when did he start getting attractive?

i've always thought he was adorable,

but damn- kevin jonas is hot.

Say a prayer
The summer nights are dead
The fall is coming
We were careless hearts
Who got caught up in this

You were shy

To the night you drove me wild
And you crashed into me
And I won't lie
I wish it lasted a lifetime
Please stay-ay-ay
Won't you stay tonight?
Breathe in deep
And say goodbye
The saddest song
I'll ever write
For anyone, anytime
Breathe in deep
Before I say
I can feel us slip away
You're almost gone
You're good as gone
August is over

hahah! i love them (:

Happy Birthday (George) Ryan Ross (the third)!

I'm going to just start off by saying that no matter what, I will always love this man. It's ridiculous to think about how much a guy that I've never met means to me. Even after all of the things that have happened, or are happening, nothing's changed in my mind. To me, he'll always be the same Ryan in that picture up there who writes songs, wears vests, and has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. It's so much more than me just thinking he's attractive and I wish people would realize that. It's not the kind of thing where I'm completely obsessed with him and I'm convinced I'm going to marry him someday or something. No, it's not that at all; I'm not stupid. It's more of a he-changed-my-life kind of thing. And yeah, I was dissappointed about things concerning him around the Panic! split, but so what? I've been dissappointed with people before and that didn't really change anything. I know I'm never going to meet him, though, and I'm perfectly alright with that. I have his music, and that's all I really need right now.

just fifteen more minutes and everything will be perfect :)

My first full week of junior year is officially over.
And everything is well.
Do you know how amazing it feels to be able to say that?
Seriously, it feels like everything is just falling into place.
My schedule got fixed, I have classes with most of my friends- I finally have a class with Jessie! (three, to be exact) and Chelsea is back. (which is something I never thought would happen)
I got my hair cut yesterday for the first time in a year and I love it!
I only had an inch of dead-ends, which my hairdresser said was a miracle because typically when people have hair as long as mine and they straighten and blow dry it as much as I do, they would have SIX INCHES of dead-ends. I'm so freaking happy that I didn't have to get that much cut off. I also got side-bangs :)
I went to the mall today with Padre and he bought me clothes for school and a book.
And I get to see a certain boy tonight :D
I'm so happy!
(and to be completely honest, I never really imagined me saying that)

P.S- I was thinking about random stuff today and listening to Panic! at the Disco's old cd and remembered the first time I ever saw a picture of Ryan Ross, I thought he was hispanic. It was a black and white picture of his face close-up and he had all sorts of make-up on. I actually have the picture on my wall. But isn't that funny? He's probably one of the people I would least-likely consider being close to hispanic, haha.

:(

i love all of them.
(it's just never going to be the same.)

"Things just break sometimes. Maybe we should blame that third person we became, that personality we shared together. Maybe it's their fault because you're a good person and I think I'm a good person too. We just weren't made for this. "

-pleasefindthis.blogspot.com

oh, my lord.

ryan and jon need to step their game up.

"I want to get something out there, just to clear up some misconceptions about what people think about Christians and gay marriage. Well, I’m speaking as a Lutheran, which is a Christian denomination.
Do you know exactly where in the Bible Christ mentioned homosexuality? Nowhere. True Christians, who follow the word of Christ, are aware of this. Jesus never once denounced homosexuality or even mentioned it. Nowhere in the entire New Testament.
Homosexuality is not a sin. If you go along with word-for-word what the Old Testament says, where it is briefly mentioned, then you are not allowed to eat shellfish because they are an abomination, it’s alright to sell your children to repay a debt, and you can take as many wives and concubines as you want.
The Old Testament is a history of a wrathful, hot tempered God who damned you for eating meat on a Friday. The New Testament is God mellowing down and sending part of himself down to earth to truly experience mankind from a human point of view, and seeing that even the worst of us can truly be sorry for what we’ve done. So he forgives us. So back to homosexuality. It’s not a sin. The only time it was considered “sinful” was in the times of Sodom, where it was listed as one of many pastimes the residents indulged in. It by itself is not a sin. What I believe is that when God talks about homosexuality and Sodom, he mentions it because people are indulging in it (along with many other things) with no self-control. That’s what I believe the true sin was- indulging in your temptations without any disregard for your own morals and sense of right and wrong.
A lot of Christian denominations take the homosexuality thing and twist it because they fear it.
It’s different from what they feel, so they claim it’s evil. Just like a lot of things- black people, retardation, mental disease (I’m not equating those things, so don’t get excited); these are all things that people in certain areas of the world were not used to normally, so they decided it was evil and tried to tuck it away or overpower it.
And that’s a sin."

i completely agree with everything this person said.
and when people openly disagree with me in an unpolite manner,
i get into arguements over this subject.